Written by Sarah Rasmussen, Managing Consultant, Talent Assessment Lead
Often I find my understanding of effective leadership comes from unexpected avenues. Most recently I experienced this watching ‘Inside the mind of a dog’ with my son where I discovered the concept of ‘survival of the friendliest.’ For decades, leadership models leant more on Darwinian metaphors – dominance and survival of the fittest. However, survival of the friendliest in evolutionary terms suggests that success hinges on collaboration and strong relationships rather than sheer competition, which led me to think: these are some of the traits we often see in highly effective leaders with strong emotional intelligence (EI). What if certain animals have got it right and the key to thriving, both in evolutionary terms and in leadership, isn’t about being the most powerful or the smartest – but the friendliest?
I started researching survival of the friendliest and came upon some compelling cases where it really seems to have taken hold thousands of years ago. For example:
- Wolves learned that when they cozied up with humans, they were more likely to enjoy the benefits of food discarded by these humans. Look no further on how this has benefited their species than the evolution of wolves to our beloved best friends these days, domesticated dogs.
- Penguins employ the middle penguin technique, huddling together, taking turns to cuddle and rotate who is in the center to share the warmth and survive the brutal storms of the Antarctic.
- Bees rely on flowers for food and flowers depend on bees for pollination which is essential for their reproduction. This mutually beneficial relationship demonstrates how friendliness (in this case, the exchange of resources for pollination) is key to the survival of both species.
Dogs, wolves, penguins, and bees aside, we can learn a great deal from the survival of the friendliest theory and how it links to emotional intelligence in the workplace and leadership success.
Survival of the friendliest in the workplace
Now when we consider the similarities of this theory in leadership, the concept of survival of the friendliest highlights the importance of fostering a supportive and inclusive environment at work. Leaders who prioritize empathy, open communication, and teamwork create a culture where individuals feel valued and motivated, in turn leading to higher organizational performance.
In today’s complex, interconnected, and uncertain world, this theory offers a powerful lens to reimagine leadership. Taking it a step further by looking at leadership traits through the lens of dogs we can learn a great deal…as strange as that may sound. Dogs are known to be loyal companions, highly attuned to human emotion, protective of their pack, and bring an overall positive energy – all highly desirable traits in senior leaders.
Take a recent experience of when I witnessed this firsthand: Dave and Tom are both senior leaders at a global private equity firm. Dave is known for being direct, demanding, and at times, frankly a little bit scary. Conversely, Tom is friendly and approachable in his leadership style as he spends time to forge genuine, nurtured relationships. Having conducted coaching sessions with them both, I was struck by their differing approaches and how that linked to outcomes.
Dave was finding others were not always very responsive when he was asking them for help or support. In fact, Dave was approaching Tom to ask others for support on his behalf, as he was getting little response from those he asked directly. This serves as an example of how Tom’s friendly approach to leadership was more favorable among team members and as a result, he was reaping the rewards. His team was willing to go above and beyond for him due to their strong connection, whereas Dave’s requests were ignored as he had a history of being dismissive and impersonal. As the friendliest, Tom was indeed showing signs of surviving – and even thriving – compared to his less friendly colleague, Dave, who was experiencing challenges.
3 workplace benefits of the survival of the friendliest theory
Having seen first-hand how a leader’s level of friendliness has a direct impact on their team piqued my interest. What other advantages could this approach to leadership provide? Turns out, quite a few.
1. Increases psychological safety
Psychological safety refers to the shared belief that it is safe to take interpersonal risks in groups like speaking up and admitting mistakes without fear of repercussions or embarrassment. By creating open collaborative environments in the workplace, team members are more likely to voice unconventional ideas, take risks, and experiment, in turn leading to more innovation and creative problem solving. When it comes to connecting emotional intelligence to success in the workplace, leaders who are able to leverage their own EI to cultivate this feeling of safety are more likely to unlock the full potential of their teams.
2. Fuels well-being
A sense of belonging is crucial for the well-being of a workforce. Studies on happiness show that socialization and connection play a powerful role in driving productivity at work and feeling connected to colleagues provides a buffer against stress. People are more resilient when they know others care. On a physiological basis, social interactions trigger the release of oxytocin and dopamine, which enhance mood and motivation. Effective leaders draw on their own emotional intelligence to foster this type of environment where employee connection and well-being can thrive.
3. Cope with the ever-changing world of work
With the increased instability of the current working world, we face a tough economic climate. Numerous forms of economic volatility coupled with technological disruption create an unpredictable environment that we are forced to routinely overcome. This can increase the likelihood of burnout and reduced productivity. By ensuring leaders maintain a human element to their leadership style – demonstrating high emotional intelligence through listening, responding with care, and building trust – leaders are more likely to help team members increase their resilience and ability to deal with ambiguity. In uncertain times, trust is everything. Leaders who are transparent, consistent, and empathetic earn the trust of their people and as a result, their commitment and creativity, too.
Friendly leader does not mean feeble leader
A misconception of this survival of the friendliest approach can be that it is ‘too soft’ and leaders will be seen as people-pleasers. Indeed, when I shared these insights with Dave, he scoffed and said he doesn’t want to be seen as a pushover. However, this approach is not about always yielding to others demands, it is about balancing compassion with accountability. Creating an environment where team members are heard, included, and bought into the overall vision results in a cohesive climate where employees feel valued and are more likely to work hard to achieve organizational goals.
This is a welcome shift in focus. Instead of survival of the fittest with cutthroat competition, power struggles, and a ‘kill or be killed’ mindset to succeed in business, it’s about cohesion, understanding, and effective team interactions. It emphasizes the importance of connection and cooperation to foster innovation and resilience in teams, leading to better outcomes for the organization.
Classic theory, new potential
Some leaders can be less open to these types of concepts, deeming it more the ‘fluffy stuff’ that doesn’t really matter. However, the theoretical basis of survival of the friendliest is steeped in evolutionary terms as well as evidence coming out of client organizations which makes it hard to ignore. We can use this to illustrate to leaders that successful leadership and emotional intelligence go hand in hand.
The good news is that EI is a skill that can be developed, meaning that if leaders understand the importance of further refining their EI, they can actively work to enhance and increase it. Being more ‘dog’ to become ’top dog,’ if you will. Ultimately, the friendliest approach — where trust and mutual support thrive — can be a key driver of long-term success in leadership.
About the author: Sarah Rasmussen, M.S. is a Chartered Psychologist and Consultant with over 18 years’ experience in Talent management, specializing in leadership assessment for selection and development. She has a strong focus on working collaboratively with clients to form evidence-based solutions, integrating robust assessment outcomes to significantly impact organization success. Sarah’s area of expertise lies in utilizing personality tools to support leadership assessment and development, in particular exploring leadership derailment and the impact of overplayed strengths on an individual’s leadership style.
